Letter 21: 1. Before all things I ask your pious wisdom to take into consideration that, on the one hand, if the duties of the office of a bishop, or presbyter, or deacon, be discharged in a perfunctory and time-serving manner, no work can be in this life more easy, agreeable, and likely to secure the favour of men, especially in our day, but none at the s...

From: Augustine, Presbyter in Hippo To: Valerius, Bishop of Hippo Date: ~391 AD Context: Augustine has just been ordained presbyter against his will and writes to Valerius begging for study leave before he is overwhelmed by pastoral duties. Augustine, Presbyter, to my lord Bishop Valerius — most blessed and venerable, my father in the Lord — greetings in the Lord. 1. Before anything else, I ask you to consider something carefully: when the offices of bishop, presbyter, or deacon are carried out in a perfunctory, time-serving way, no work in this life is easier or more likely to win popular approval — especially today — but none is at the same time more wretched, more deplorable, or more deserving of condemnation before God. And yet when these same offices are faithfully discharged, as the Captain of our salvation commands, no work in this life is harder, more exhausting, or more dangerous — but none is more blessed before God. I never learned the right way to do any of this, either in childhood or in my earlier years. And at the very moment I was beginning to learn, I was pressed — as a just punishment for my sins, I can only think — into taking the second seat at the helm before I had ever learned to handle an oar. 2. I believe this was the Lord's correction. I had presumed, thinking myself superior in knowledge and virtue, to criticize the failings of many sailors before I had any experience at sea. Once I was sent down to work alongside them, I began to feel the full rashness of my former judgments. That is why some of the brothers saw me weeping in the city on the day of my ordination — and though they tried their best to comfort me, their kind words missed the real cause of my grief entirely. But experience has now taught me things that merely thinking about them had never conveyed. Not that I have encountered waves and storms I had never heard of — but I had not known how little I was equipped to weather them, and had foolishly imagined my ability was worth something when it was worth nothing. The Lord laughed at me, and was pleased to show me, by direct experience, exactly what I am. 3. But if he has done this not in judgment but in mercy — and this is my confident hope — then my duty, now that I know my weakness, is to study with diligence every remedy the Scriptures contain for my situation, and through prayer and reading to acquire the spiritual strength such demanding work requires. This I have not yet been able to do. I was ordained at the very moment I had planned, together with some friends, to secure a period of uninterrupted leisure for immersing myself in the divine Scriptures — I had arranged everything for that purpose. True, even before my ordination I did not know how unfit I was for this work that now overwhelms me. But if experience has at last shown me what I need, only to make it impossible to obtain — are you telling me to perish, Father Valerius? Where is your charity? Do you truly love me? Do you truly love the Church to which you have appointed me, so unqualified, to minister? I am sure you love both. But you think me qualified — while I know myself better, though I would not have come to know myself without experience. 4. Perhaps Your Holiness replies: "Tell me what you still lack." The things I lack are so many that it would be easier to list what I have. I know and wholeheartedly believe the doctrines of salvation. But my difficulty is this: how do I use that truth in ministering to others — seeking what benefits not myself alone but the many? Without doubt, there are counsels in the sacred books by which a man of God may discharge his duties to the Church, and maintain a clear conscience before ungodly people, whether living or dying, so as not to lose the life for which every humble Christian heart longs. But how is this achieved except — as the Lord himself says — by asking, seeking, and knocking: that is, by prayer, reading, and weeping? For this I have petitioned through the brothers, and I now repeat the request in this letter: that a brief period — say until Easter — be granted me by your sincere and venerable charity. 5. What shall I answer the Lord my Judge? Shall I say I was unable to prepare because I was consumed entirely by the affairs of the Church? What if he replies: "You wicked servant — if Church property were being seized by an oppressor, and you could do something to defend it in court, would you not leave the field I watered with my blood and go plead that case, with everyone's consent and some people's urgent orders?" All of this he might justly say. But consider: is it not far worse to let a soul be lost through neglect of God's word than to lose a field through injustice? 6. Consider all these things, aged Valerius — consider them, I beg you, by the goodness and severity of Christ, by his mercy and his judgment, by the One who has planted such love in you for me that I dare not displease you, even when my soul's welfare is at stake. You appeal to God and Christ as witnesses of your sincerity and love for me — as though these were things I would not gladly swear to myself. I therefore appeal to that very love: have pity on me and grant me the time I have asked for. Help me with your prayers, that my absence be not wasted, and that it bear fruit for the Church of Christ and for the benefit of my brothers. I know the Lord will not despise your intercession, especially for such a cause; and accepting it as a sweet offering, he will restore me to you — perhaps sooner than the period I have requested — truly equipped for his service through the profitable counsels of his written word.

Letter 21 (A.D. 391) To My Lord Bishop Valerius, Most Blessed and Venerable, My Father Most Warmly Cherished with True Love in the Sight of the Lord, Augustine, Presbyter, Sends Greeting in the Lord. 1. Before all things I ask your pious wisdom to take into consideration that, on the one hand, if the duties of the office of a bishop, or presbyter, or deacon, be discharged in a perfunctory and time-serving manner, no work can be in this life more easy, agreeable, and likely to secure the favour of men, especially in our day, but none at the same time more miserable, deplorable, and worthy of condemnation in the sight of God; and, on the other hand, that if in the office of bishop, or presbyter, or deacon, the orders of the Captain of our salvation be observed, there is no work in this life more difficult, toilsome, and hazardous, especially in our day, but none at the same time more blessed in the sight of God. But what the proper mode of discharging these duties is, I did not learn either in boyhood or in the earlier years of manhood; and at the time when I was beginning to learn it, I was constrained as a just correction for my sins (for I know not what else to think) to accept the second place at the helm, when as yet I knew not how to handle an oar. 2. But I think that it was the purpose of my Lord hereby to rebuke me, because I presumed, as if entitled by superior knowledge and excellence, to reprove the faults of many sailors before I had learned by experience the nature of their work. Therefore, after I had been sent in among them to share their labours, then I began to feel the rashness of my censures; although even before that time I judged this office to be beset with many dangers. And hence the tears which some of my brethren perceived me shedding in the city at the time of my ordination, and because of which they did their utmost with the best intentions to console me, but with words which, through their not knowing the causes of my sorrow, did not reach my case at all. But my experience has made me realize these things much more both in degree and in measure than I had done in merely thinking of them: not that I have now seen any new waves or storms of which I had not previous knowledge by observation, or report, or reading, or meditation; but because I had not known my own skill or strength for avoiding or encountering them, and had estimated it to be of some value instead of none. The Lord, however, laughed at me, and was pleased to show me by actual experience what I am. 3. But if He has done this not in judgment, but in mercy, as I confidently hope even now, when I have learned my infirmity, my duty is to study with diligence all the remedies which the Scriptures contain for such a case as mine, and to make it my business by prayer and reading to secure that my soul be endued with the health and vigour necessary for labours so responsible. This I have not yet done, because I have not had time; for I was ordained at the very time when I was thinking of having, along with others, a season of freedom from all other occupation, that we might acquaint ourselves with the divine Scriptures, and was intending to make such arrangements as would secure unbroken leisure for this great work. Moreover, it is true that I did not at any earlier period know how great was my unfitness for the arduous work which now disquiets and crushes my spirit. But if I have by experience learned what is necessary for a man who ministers to a people in the divine sacraments and word, only to find myself prevented from now obtaining what I have learned that I do not possess, do you bid me perish, father Valerius? Where is your charity? Do you indeed love me? Do you indeed love the Church to which you have appointed me, thus unqualified, to minister? I am well assured that you love both; but you think me qualified, while I know myself better; and yet I would not have come to know myself if I had not learned by experience. 4. Perhaps your Holiness replies: I wish to know what is lacking to fit you for your office. The things which I lack are so many, that I could more easily enumerate the things which I have than those which I desire to have. I may venture to say that I know and unreservedly believe the doctrines pertaining to our salvation. But my difficulty is in the question how I am to use this truth in ministering to the salvation of others, seeking what is profitable not for myself alone, but for many, that they may be saved. And perhaps there may be, nay, beyond all question there are, written in the sacred books, counsels by the knowledge and acceptance of which the man of God may so discharge his duties to the Church in the things of God, or at least so keep a conscience void of offense in the midst of ungodly men, whether living or dying, as to secure that that life for which alone humble and meek Christian hearts sigh is not lost. But how can this be done, except, as the Lord Himself tells us, by asking, seeking, knocking, that is, by praying, reading, and weeping? For this I have by the brethren made the request, which in this petition I now renew, that a short time, say till Easter, be granted me by your unfeigned and venerable charity. 5. For what shall I answer to the Lord my Judge? Shall I say, I was not able to acquire the things of which I stood in need, because I was engrossed wholly with the affairs of the Church? What if He thus replies: You wicked servant, if property belonging to the Church (in the collection of the fruits of which great labour is expended) were suffering loss under some oppressor, and it was in your power to do something in defense of her rights at the bar of an earthly judge, would you not, leaving the field which I have watered with my blood, go to plead the cause with the consent of all, and even with the urgent commands of some? And if the decision given were against the Church, would you not, in prosecuting an appeal, go across the sea; and would no complaint be heard summoning you home from an absence of a year or more, because your object was to prevent another from taking possession of land required not for the souls, but for the bodies of the poor, whose hunger might nevertheless be satisfied in a way much easier and more acceptable to me by my living trees, if these were cultivated with care? Wherefore, then, do you allege that you had not time to learn how to cultivate my field? Tell me, I beseech you, what could I reply? Are you perchance willing that I should say, The aged Valerius is to blame; for, believing me to be instructed in all things necessary, he declined, with a determination proportioned to his love for me, to give me permission to learn what I had not acquired? 6. Consider all these things, aged Valerius; consider them, I beseech you, by the goodness and severity of Christ, by His mercy and judgment, by Him who has inspired you with such love for me that I dare not displease you, even when the advantage of my soul is at stake. You, moreover, appeal to God and to Christ to bear witness to me concerning your innocence and charity, and the sincere love which you bear to me, just as if all these were not things about which I may myself willingly take my oath. I therefore appeal to the love and affection which you have thus avouched. Have pity on me, and grant me, for the purpose for which I have asked it, the time which I have asked; and help me with your prayers, that my desire may not be in vain, and that my absence may not be without fruit to the Church of Christ, and to the profit of my brethren and fellow-servants. I know that the Lord will not despise your love interceding for me, especially in such a cause as this; and accepting it as a sacrifice of sweet savour, He will restore me to you, perhaps, within a period shorter than I have craved, thoroughly furnished for His service by the profitable counsels of His written word. About this page Source. Translated by J.G. Cunningham. From Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, First Series, Vol. 1. Edited by Philip Schaff. (Buffalo, NY: Christian Literature Publishing Co., 1887.) Revised and edited for New Advent by Kevin Knight. <https://www.newadvent.org/fathers/1102021.htm>. Contact information. The editor of New Advent is Kevin Knight. My email address is feedback732 at newadvent.org. (To help fight spam, this address might change occasionally.) Regrettably, I can't reply to every letter, but I greatly appreciate your feedback — especially notifications about typographical errors and inappropriate ads.